*I originally published this piece 4 years ago. I’m sharing again in the hopes that it will help someone feel less alone in their struggles for a best friend. I’m happy to say I’ve found some of my favorite women friends since then, but if you don’t have a tribe, come find a friend online. I run a FB group of Perfectly Real Moms that I think you might enjoy. Because we could all use a best friend or twenty.*
Yesterday was a fine day. I have many uneventful days in the life of being a stay-at-home Mom. Yesterday my oldest stayed home sick from school, so two out of the three kids were in PJs all day. It was snowy outside. We just kind of stayed at home all day.
Then, a little email popped up that ruined my whole day at about 5 pm. I won’t go into it, except to say that I felt like I was brushed off by someone that is supposed to be important in my life. It wasn’t my husband.
But, this little email sent me into a spiral of sadness and self-pity. The 4-6pm hours in my house are not easy to begin with. Then add a thoughtless act by someone you love, and my reaction may not seem like overreacting. But, it probably was.
My negative thoughts as a result were things like, “I have no friends,” and “No one cares about my life,” and “I wish my sister lived closer because she is the only one that gets me.” (OK. I have that last thought A LOT.) But, I find myself feeling lonely. And sad.
Moms need friends too, right? Or am I the only one?
I have always been a people person. I have always had “an easy time making friends” as my Mom would say to me all the time growing up. But, here I am. 35-years-old. 3 kids. A good husband. A stable life. And, all I want is a close friend.
I don’t mean a mommy friend to have playdates with.
I don’t mean a person at church that you chat with regularly.
I don’t mean someone that you enjoy inviting over for dinner once in a while because they are a good couple friend for you and your husband.
I don’t mean a relative that is obligated to be your friend.
I don’t mean someone that you have a girl’s night with once in a while.
I mean a true life friend that will do anything for you. That will drop everything for you. That you can call up and cry to because you are having a bad afternoon. I mean someone that you can trust and confide in. I mean a woman that gets that you don’t love motherhood all the time and doesn’t judge you for it. I mean someone that you feel like will always be there no matter what. I mean someone that would stand up for you when someone else is talking about you behind your back. I mean someone that would babysit for you at the last minute. Or clean your house when you are sick. Or a friend that you could drive to their house when you have a fight with your husband and they wouldn’t think you were crazy.
I don’t have that.
Does it even exist anymore? I am surrounded by “friends.” Don’t get me wrong. I have a social life. But, is it possible as a grown woman with a family to make a friend like that at this stage in the game? Or does everyone already have a best friend?
I have friends that are far away that fit into the category of friend I am talking about, but I want someone like that in every place I live. Is that asking too much?
It seems I am surrounded by women that I probably have a lot in common with, but my friendships never make it to the next level. Am I too guarded? Do I seem like I just have it all too together? Because I don’t. Inside I am craving someone to talk with when things get sad, and depressing, and difficult. Not, just for the fun playdate on a weekday morning. Maybe it’s because I’m not that type of friend? Or am I expecting too much?
OR — (and I think this might just be it) — are we all wanting the same thing but too afraid to reach out and so we sit in our little stay-at-home worlds inside our own little house and feel all too alone.