I remember when my best friend of 25 years (oh my gosh, can it be that I’m that old?) told me about blogging. I thought it was a come and go fad like many other things. Remember myspace? But, here I am 5 years later, still blogging. This blog has become so much more to me than just putting cute pictures up of my kids and hoping that someone will comment about how adorable they are. That’s how it started. But, now, writing has become so much more to me. This blog has become so much more.
I have been thinking about writing a post like this for a while, and then I came across another blogger that shared her ideas on blogging in this modern society and how it relates to women and also their children. It was very interesting.
So, I realized when I commented on her blog that I feel very passionate about this blog and why I write. One of the things I said to her was that my blog is, “a tribute to my kids, and a blog about me and my view of raising them”. That would be how I would sum up what my blog is now. Maybe that’s not how it was 5 years ago, but that’s what it is to me now.
The truth is, this blog is as much about me as it is about them. Maybe even more so. Because what I see while raising them is probably very different than how they will remember it. So, what about when they are old enough to take a look? What then?
Well, I hope that they will see that I was a real person with feelings. That I had insecurities. That I made mistakes. That I got frustrated, and that my blog was my way of working through all of that. Will they be mortified by something I wrote about them? I hope not. Because that is not my intention. I love my kids more than life and the last thing I want to do is mortify them. But, let’s get real. It probably will happen that at some point they are mad about something I wrote. I will just have to explain to them why I do this. Because there are reasons.
For Memory’s Sake. I love my children, but I have a horrible memory. I frequently get terrified that I will forget a cute face expression that they have, or a funny thing that they say. I try to soak them up everyday, but it’s impossible. You cannot, possibly appreciate every single moment of motherhood when you’re in it. It’s impossible. (So, people, stop telling me that!) So, I write it down.
For my own therapy. I have realized since I became a mother that I have lots of issues of my own to work through. This job is hard. But, I think it is mostly hard because it has brought out some of my worst qualities. Sure, it has brought out some of my good ones, too. But, the bad ones are what has rocked me to my core. The bad qualities that I try to overcome while raising human beings is what keeps me awake at night and makes me cry myself to sleep sometimes. I currently can’t afford a therapist. So, I write because for some reason, there is a part of me that just feels better if I can voice it. Blogging is my journal. It just so happens that lots of people read it.
To connect. My dear, sweet Aunt talked to me once about doing this, and I think she was really confused why I wanted to be so public. She didn’t understand. But, I guess my answer is that I find comfort in connecting with others through this medium. I have found so many other bloggers that have inspired me to be a better person through their blogs, or have just brought me comfort through their experience and their words, or have just put things in perspective on a really hard day. So I hope to do the same for someone else. To me, it is no different than saying “I understand” to a friend going through a hard time. Except, maybe I just haven’t met all my friends in person just yet. But, they are real people. Going through real things. Going through things just like me.
So my kids will understand me a little better. My Mother always wanted to write her own story. Maybe she has written parts of it, but I have never read it. (Why is that, Mom?) I would kill to read her thoughts and frustrations as a 35 year old woman with 3 kids and one on the way. It would be fascinating. Eye-opening. And, maybe it would make me understand her a little better. I write because I want my kids to see who I am. The real me.
I write because I am not a constant being. I think there is so much to learn from who we are as we evolve and change. I try to imagine myself as an empty nester, and it is impossible. But, when I want to think about myself as a Mom to one kid, I can read it. Now, I’m a mom to three little people that make me crazy. One day, I’m sure I will laugh at myself at 35. Complaining about her fears of vomit, or her frustrations at mothering, or the endless complaining about pregnancy. But, I want to remember myself at this stage because it is nice when we can see how far we’ve come.
I do wonder as this generation of mommy bloggers ages and our kids are all grown how all of this publicity will affect them. Maybe there will be some negative repercussions. Maybe not. But, I know that I can’t just keep quiet and suck down my feelings. I have to put them somewhere. I am compelled to write. Some days, it’s the only thing that keeps me feeling like I am not alone in my struggles. And, I know I’m not.
So this is why I have this blog. It’s a tribute to my kids, a blog about me, and about my real view of raising them.
Why do YOU blog?
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