They say the holidays bring out the crazy in some people, and I think that is an understatement. It’s just a stressful time of year, no matter how you slice it. The kids are out of school, relatives are breathing down your neck, and the unrealistic expectations that the Overachieving Holiday Moms set for us are enough to send you hiding in your closet with a snickers bar and a box of wine.
You see, overachieving holiday moms are the worst kind of overachievers, because they appear to be “normal, just getting by moms,” until the holidays roll around, then they crawl out of the rock they’ve been hiding under all year with the rest of us underachievers, and make up for lost time by bringing their A-game. They do not cut corners and always bring out all the bells and whistles when it comes to spreading holiday cheer.
The Perfect Christmas Card Mom
This type of overachieving holiday mom starts planning Christmas cards in August so that she can have the best photographer, location, and over-the-top card, but she will never speak of her “sneaky photo shoot;” she keeps that secret in the vault. Her card usually arrives weeks before any other cards, and is always filled with glitter and sealed with a monogrammed sticker. Don’t you just love surprise glitter?
The Holiday Cheer Mom
She spreads so much holiday cheer she has you cursing the holidays weeks before December. She organizes things like hosting Santa at her house, renting a bus to go look at Christmas lights, and caroling with at least 50 of your closest friends around the neighborhood. You are left breaking a sweat just trying to keep up.
The Traditional Mom
She takes the holiday traditions to a whole new level. They do things like drive to an obscure location to cut down their own Christmas tree, have a Christmas pajama sleepover with their entire extended family at the home she grew up in (because that’s what she has been doing since birth), or making gingerbread houses from scratch. You’re often left wondering what the hell is wrong with your family because the only tradition you have is getting sauced on eggnog while watching Christmas Vacation.
The Holiday Baker Mom
She makes the most amazing treats over the holidays, and she likes to gently remind you how much your husband would love it if you just gave it a whirl (dammit, I hate that she is right). She even has you second guessing your anti-baking stance, and you find yourself doing outlandish things, like researching recipes on Pinterest, and asking your MIL what your husband’s favorite childhood holiday treat was. It’s tragic.
The Over Zealous Decorating Mom
Her house is the first to be decorated in the neighborhood, and she goes all out. She claims that her husband and kids did it themselves for a “family bonding experience,” but you know deep down inside that she had hired help. She may have even hired a professional tree decorator (yes, that’s a thing) to make sure her tree was impeccably decorated.
The Holiday Volunteer Mom
She’s a modern day Mother Theresa when the holidays roll around. She does things like try to get you to sign up with the Salvation Army to be a bell ringer (by the way this is actually a very coveted position, I called to inquire about it) and wants you to volunteer at every church and shelter in a 30-mile-radius. She is the real deal when it comes to helping the community. Damn her for trying to make you a better person.
Even though we sometimes (ok, most of the time) want to punch the overachieving holiday mom in the face, we also secretly have a crush on her and are jealous of how effortlessly she steps up to the plate over the holidays.
And I’m not going to lie, I love being her friend during this time of year because I get to reap the benefits and be a guest at her fabulous parties and the recipient of her amazing, homemade gifts, without actually having to do any work. Maybe next year I will be inspired and get my ass in gear, but today I’m just going to soak up the perks of my overachieving friends and try to remind my husband that he knew what he signed up for when he married me.
Holly Loftin is a freelance writer, who loves to share her humorous and raw stories about motherhood. She’s opinionated, sarcastic, and most of the time caffeinated. You can find her on Facebook, Instagram and on her blog.