Our culture has become completely obsessed with this whole “good mom/bad mom” thing, like kids are obsessed with asking “why” ten million times a day. For crying out loud, there is an entire movie series dedicated to this entire premise. Mila Kunis is totally capitalizing off of our bizarre fixation. Good for her. You go, Mila!
Good moms create things off of Pinterest.
Bad moms create Pinterest fails. [insert picture of a blue, melted Cookie Monster cake with one eyeball here.]
Good moms never yell at their kids.
Bad moms, well…they yell. A lot.
Good moms leave love notes in their kids’ organic hand-rolled, vegetable pâté lunches.
Bad moms throw a ham & cheese Lunchable in their kids’ backpacks and call it a day.
Good moms shop at Pottery Barn.
Bad moms shop at Walmart.
Good moms attend every soccer game, every Preschool recognition program, every playdate, every party, every practice.
Bad moms attend some things, some times, but usually text their friends during the entire thing.
Good moms tuck their kids in bed every night.
Bad moms drink red wine every night.
Good moms have planners and organizers.
Bad moms are late everywhere.
Good moms fill out their kids’ baby books.
Bad moms bought baby books and can’t remember where they are.
Good moms drop their kids off at school in Lululemon leggings.
Bad moms drop their kids off in pajamas and face masks and forget to brush their teeth beforehand.
Good moms thrive.
Bad moms barely survive.
But the honest to gosh truth is, that this war between the moms is nothing more than an illusion we’ve created as a society. I guess it makes perfectly logical sense that we would also be obsessed with unicorns, mermaids and smiley-face poop emojis right now. Because none of it exists in real life. It’s all just a vapor, a fairytale story we continue to read, a mythological beast we continue to chase.
It’s pointless. We are busting our tail ends to earn a trophy that’s never even been built.
It’s not a sport. It’s not an event. It’s not a competition.
You don’t get a gold medal for receiving the most points. You don’t get a wooden plaque for wooing the most judges over. You don’t get a reward for throwing the most elaborate birthday parties, or spending the most money on Christmas presents, or going to Chick-Fil-A the most often.
Good moms aren’t one-size fits all. They aren’t a cookie-cutter mold, or a plastic Barbie Doll that comes in a pink box. They aren’t objective.
And, so you don’t lose when you feed them chicken nuggets from the microwave. You don’t lose when you let them have an extra 30 minutes of screen time. You don’t lose when a doctor’s checkup slips your mind, or you get stuck in traffic and show up 10 minutes late to gymnastics practice. You don’t lose when you try. There is no “B” team when it comes to motherhood.
But you don’t win when you perform, or check all the boxes, or post the Instagram pictures with the most likes either.
You win just by loving your kids. You win just by doing what’s best for your family. You win just by being content in your role as a mother.
You win every time you clap for your kids instead of rolling your eyes when they say “Momma, watch this!” for 15,000th time that day. You win every time you fold their little Under Armor hoodies instead of setting fire to the mounds of laundry on the tile floor. You win every time you show up when your kids need you instead of making crummy excuses not to be there. You win every time you save your sanity by making a 30-minute stroll through Target instead of hopping on a bus and running away from the chaos in the playroom back home.
You win by raising strong kids, self-reliant kids, kids who are sure of their worth in this world.
You win by raising kids who have been taught how to be kind and giving and thoughtful. You win by raising kids who have been shown how to work hard and forgive and keep their promises.
There are no good moms.
There is only you. Doing the best you can. Giving the best you’ve got. Loving with all your might.
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I love red lipstick, graphic tees, and Diet Dr. Pepper a little more than I probably should. Most days you can find me lounging in sweatpants, running kids from one place to the other like a crazy person. My family is my home and my passion is helping women find courage, confidence, and the deep-rooted knowledge that their life has a deep and significant purpose. Come follow me at In & Out Beauty by Amy.