Halloween is almost here and that means every store is now overflowing with pumpkins and witches and goblins and endless aisles of colorful and assorted candy that beckon
you your children every time you go shopping.
When you’re a parent, it’s easy to get overwhelmed during the holidays, especially when you mix young children with lots and lots of sugar. Luckily the funny parents of Twitter are here to remind you that the best way to survive any holiday with kids is to laugh your way through it.
Like when your kid inevitably wants a last-minute costume change:
Don't forget to buy your child's Halloween costume early. This way, you can last-minute shop when they change their mind.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) September 25, 2017
And the costume they pick is really, really scary:
My daughter wants to be really scary this Halloween so instead of a costume she is going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 25, 2017
My 3yr old is deathly afraid of spiders but wants to be one for Halloween. She's either being brave or it'll be the most epic meltdown ever.
— SingleBabyMama (@_SingleBabyMama) October 4, 2017
My kid wants to be super scary for Halloween this year, so he's going as a lost sippy cup full of milk.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) October 3, 2017
Or ridiculously expensive:
Halloween: where we force expensive, over the top costumes on our kids that they hate, fight with them about how much candy they can eat, and post pictures all over social media that look like we are having the best time.
— bottom of my purse (@Bottomofmypurse) October 5, 2017
Buying the candy is always fun though:
Friend: I can’t believe they’re already selling Halloween candy in sto—
Me: *Already in the car, driving to the store*
— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) August 26, 2017
Eating all the candy is even more fun:
— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) October 3, 2017
Is September 30th too early to start eating Halloween candy?
Asking for a friend.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) October 1, 2017
Me after eating a 2 lb. bag of candy. pic.twitter.com/IRdUCw9bI9
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) September 27, 2017
Parents: Don't talk to strangers
Parents on Halloween: Talk to all the strangers, & beg for candy so I can eat all the reeses while u sleep
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) September 26, 2017
Halloween tip: Teach your kid that Reeses peanut butter cups are poison and then eat them all
— Dumb Beezie (@dumbbeezie) October 3, 2017
Dressing up is cool, too:
I don’t need a spooky Halloween avi.
I’m already horrifying.
Just ask my kids.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) October 4, 2017
Friend: Are you dressing up for Halloween?
Me: That depends. Do you consider "Mom who has mostly given up" a scary costume?
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) October 4, 2017
There is just so much to laugh about in the month of October:
I decorated for fall & the kids had it torn apart in 18 hrs. I'm going to decorate for Halloween by slowly burying myself in the front yard.
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) October 3, 2017
I have to hurry up and buy a pumpkin, so it can be an uncarved, rotting puddle of goo on my front porch by Halloween!
— Seamus McKracken (@seamusmckracken) October 3, 2017
New haunted house suggestion: the "child who got a nosebleed in the middle of the night" room. It was a straight up horror scene you guys.
— here comes the son (@idtweetforever) October 4, 2017
Lauren Lodder earned her BA from UC Berkeley and her MA from CSUF. Before becoming a freelance writer, she taught writing and literature classes at the college level. You can find her on Facebook and on Twitter. Her work has appeared on HuffPost, Scary Mommy, Babble, Buzzfeed, The Mighty, among others.